Mrs. Paul's Ad
Let me pledge now that I will never, ever buy Mrs. Paul's fish products, or anything with the name Mrs. Paul on it with the exception of anything from the wonderful wife of my co-blogger Paul. She is a treasure.
The genesis of my hatred is this ad:



You little bitch! Your parents put food in your mouth and you complain about it. It's minced, wahh waah! First of all you little (perhaps I should not use such epithets as are in my mind about some small child who is, after all, reading ad copy), no child your age has developed the taste to distinguish one fish stick from another so STFU. Then you abuse your mother who's probably trying to save a few pennies to put your little bitch butt through college. So forget that. You're on your own. But then mom accedes to this immoral suasion and buys you the non-minced variety. Of course you'll do nothing but mince them yourself with those horrible little chicklet teeth.
I hate you, evil child and I hate Mrs. Paul's for hiring you.

Coming Soon
I listen to talk radio a lot. More than anything else, really. But there's a huge drawback. I hear the same ads over and over and over. I'm going to start a list of ads that make me change channels immediately upon hearing them.
I'll start with these:
1. The "Zapper Credit System." Oh my long-suffering ears! Shut up. Just STFU. If I wanted to listen to an annoying sterotypical New Yawk yenta voice, I'd ... I wouldn't do anything because I don't want to and never will. Ugh
2. "The Talker" for the Ooma web-phone device. Annoying me with drivel will not make me want to buy this device. Pick another gimmick now.
3. The free credit report ads. Nuff said. Die you godless maggots.
4. The "Smart Cookies." AmEx (if I remember correctly) is pushing some gaggle of women who screwed their credit to the max and then realized that was unsustainable. So they formed a group and two years later got out of debt, or something like that. Holy crap. These women did something that was evidently moronic and now AmEx is paying them to lecture us. How about featuring people who never were that stupid in the first place? "Smart" cookies my achin' butt. Go away.

There are others and I'll be making notes on them as I listen but I invite you to add to the list in comments. I know you have something to add.
ON THE OTHER HAND: The home drug test ad where the mom asks the high school kid if he's used "beanies, hydro, whiffle dust, disco biscuits" is still funny. "Shabu shabu, dear." Heh.

What's Wrong With This Picture?



UPDATE: I realized after posting that I didn't provide any context for this. The ad was in the monthly magazine that my homeowners association puts out. And, to give the teachers their due, I did e-mail the person posting this and the mistake was made by the HOA. Still, sucks to be you, teach.

Creepy
Does anyone have the visceral negative reaction I have to those "human landscape" Toyota Prius ads? Humans as fungus or quivering slime molds. Yeah, that'll make me want a Prius. And they introduce a pretty cool feature in solar powered cooling. But still, ugh.
Almost as creepy are the ads for Microsoft's Bing. People spouting off random nonsense at the provocation of some random word. Good god people. You're frickin' Microsoft! And that's the best you can do? Pretty soon I'll be turning away from those and staying on gotdam freek reddit report dot kom ads (no one will ever find THAT in a Google search!)

Finally, truth in advertising...The Real Deal....

"ShitBegone toilet paper is a quality product that exemplifies your attitude and approach to life.Part journey of discovery, part assertion of responsibility, part embrace of life, ShitBegone expresses hope and belief that a better world is possible."

Got To Give 'Em Credit
I sure as perdition don't watch TV for the ads but I've got to throw some major praise Glade's way. They seem to have found an actress that they're using in all their ads of late. I have no idea who she is. I don't recall ever having seen her in an ad before but what a babe! Lovely face, maybe a touch on the horsey side but I seem to have no problem with that. And the red hair that's knuckle-chewingly gorgeous. Amy Adams gorgeous.
Glade also doesn't make her the infallible mom but the goofy, willing to try to get over on her friends about the source of the lovely household scent yet gets caught out on it. It's nice to see some humanization of the "star."

Good Stuff
I've bitched off a few ads recently and I've got a slew of 'em to bitch off in the hopper. But I thought it was time to throw the advertisers a bone beyond posting videos of songs from Apple ads. What I want to praise is the ATT ad wherein the little daughter gives her father a stuffed monkey as he goes on a business trip. Daddy sends back pictures of the stuffed monkey culminating with a shot of the monkey outside their home on his return. The ad is sweet and not at all cloying. The affection in the family comes across as real and palpable. The "sweet thing/ apple of my eye" song adds to the effect. I'm not always down with ATT's forcing the "more bars" visual cues into its ads but in this one, the "bars" take a back seat to the tone. It's an enjoyable little story. I hope they give the creative team behind this one more chances.

Twenty Seconds Of Ad Hate
Dear no cost credit report people, I've heard your (expletive) songs about selling seafood and driving a crappy car too many (expletive) times. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut the expletive up!
And note - I will never, never ever use your service since you have worn down my LAST nerve with those gotdam ads!

My Favorite Ad Lately
The IKEA 20% off sale ad where the woman shopper looks at her receipt, hurries out and yells to her husband to "Start the car! Start the car!" And the graphic "It's not a mistake." Very well played.

Apple's New iPod Nano Ad
I'm going to assume that you must have seen the new ad for Apple's new video iPod Nano. If not, you can follow the link. I won't get into the device itself save to say that it's another remarkable product - to get a tiny, tiny screen of dense resolution is something although it's squatty looks don't exactly goose up the geek lust. At this point, it's the ad I'm interested in. The video of the song playing is Feist's "1 2 3 4" which is on uToob so ...


I like it. It's wonderfully alive with the colorfully clad cast and the song is just enough of an ear worm that it makes a great choice for an ad. Apple's media people are no dummies (says the guy who was turned on to The Fratellis when Apple used "Flathead" in an iPod ad). The lyrics are not exactly overwhelming but that's not a big deal really. Feist has one of those voices that's not classical but has real character. She is interesting to listen to even if the words are not exactly "An die Fruede." And the choral swelling of the "Oh-oh-oh" works just perfectly right. Excellent songwriting.
As the blog has amply demonstrated over time with my fealty to Emm Gryner, I like whiny Canadian chick singer-songwriters. I think it started with Joni Mitchell. And Feist is right there. I wish her great success even though I'm not in any hurry to buy her disc.
What struck me, finally, after actually watching the video is how well Apple chose not just the song but the viddy as well. The appearing of the subsequent Nanos under the first picks up the way the music video has a raft of people appear from behind Feist. Watch the viddy and watch the ad. It's evident. Took me a while to recognize it though.

Good Beer. Lousy Ad.
Heineken is advertising its 5-liter "draft keg" with a techno-pop robot dance ad on TV. It's here on uToob. I won't embed it because it is a crappy, lousy bad ad. The girl who is roboted up may well be very cute in real life. But she looks like hell in the ad. Very Maria if you remember your "Metropolis." But she's not the worst of it. The problem is the music. Who did they get to write that crap? I'm figuring that it was Ross Geller on his synthesizer in Central Perk.
Or maybe Prof Plum in the conservatory with a lead pipe.

Time For You To Go Away
I never had much against Rachel Ray before but now that I've seen the ads she's doing for Dunkin' Donuts, it's over. Go away now. Even better - shut up and go away. You are no Nigella Lawson and it's starting to show. Ooh. Nigella. Whatta babe.

More On Ads
This one's been around a while - the GEICO ad featuring Burt Bacharach. As the GEICO customer talks about her accident, Burt sings something like "I got hit in the rear." Then in reference to the woman thinking about the company's spokesreptile, he sings "Lizard licks his eyeball." And his final sung line is "Hope I never get hit in the rear again."
Burt, take my word for it. You keep singing like that and everybody who hears you is not going to believe you. In fact, listeners will probably be thinking that you'd enjoy getting "hit in the rear."
I'm just sayin.'
UPDATE: Here is a music video of the song GEICO used in one of its "Caveman" ads where the caveman sees a poster in an airport. The song is "Remind Me" by Royksopp. The music video is a different version than that used in the ad. I kind of prefer the one in the ad. But the visuals, a very "Sims"-like presentation, are great to watch.