Sunday, July 19, 2009

Can't ... Resist .... Blogging ... Tour
Today's stage saw an almost textbook performance by the Astana team to put Alberto Contador in the yellow jersey. That Lance follows him is not surprising either. I am very saddened that Levi Leipheimer is home in California after breaking a wrist bone in a crash a couple of stages ago. It's conceivable that Astana could have taken all three podium finishes. And, while it's still possible with Andres Klöden, it's not quite as likely.
I'm amazed that Armstrong is just second off the lead but was rather expecting Contador to be in yellow. He is the man I would have bet on prior to this Tour, were I a betting man. He is a superb climber in a race that's decided in the climbing stages of the latter third of the whole race.
Beautiful, beautiful race today. If you get the Versus Network, watch the wrap-up tonight.


Eddy Merckxstrong said...

Watching Contador walk away from everybody near the end was fascinating. Sorry that your insistence on blogging the Tour will leave the Enematic Jackalope gibbering in his basement, soiling his Depends with no one to lend comfort. How cruel of you... it's like you're some sort of misanthrope or something...

Enigmatic Misanthrope said...

Hey Eddy...
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in the Islets of Langerhans.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little
worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk,
a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a
stench, a revulsion.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared
richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth
into a hostile world. You are an insensate, blinking calf,
meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling
beasts who sired you and then died of shame in recognition of what
they had done. They were a bit late.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same
species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf
at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut.
Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You
are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention
that you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting
to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a
ignorant asshole will still be available to readers, but they will be
able to access it ever so much more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up,
drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set
you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the
frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the
queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,
nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an
ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with
you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost
in a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant. You
have a couple of address lines shorted together. You should be
promoted to Engineering Manager.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important
statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with me?
What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your
tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous
desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of
the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a
loathsome disease, a puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. You
make Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You think P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you.

Enigmatic Misanthrope said...

You would watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.
You are deficient in all that lends character.
You have the personality
of wallpaper.
You are dank and filthy.
You are asinine and benighted.
You are the source of all unpleasantness.
You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git.
You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off,
You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john.
You clouted boggish foot-licking half-twit.
You dankish clack-dish
You gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish
boil-brained clotpole ponce.
You craven dewberry pisshead cockup
pratting naff.
You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing
gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb.
You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are so clueless that if we stripped you naked, soaked you in
clue musk, and dropped you into a field full of horny clues, You
still would not have a clue.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are
degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing
you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard
stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it
goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension
of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid
collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed.
Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity
stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more
stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year.
Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our
universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial
fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence
of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the
laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an
epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me
again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride
your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant
trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have
snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well...
it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a
creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together
a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective...
Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell,
and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary
skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that
everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget
that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these
things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then
I would have never read your post.

Enigmatic Misanthrope said...

It just wouldn't have been"right".
Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,
cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable,
belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal,
fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic,
brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented,
lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic,
fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant,
clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb evasive,
double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative,
paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical,
cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant,
deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring,
plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious,
secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant,
self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and
Generally Not Good.

I hope this blow me.

Ergonmic Vege-Matic Rape a Throat said...

Bazement spatter...Depends no work..just gave birth to an Eddy...burp!!kill...crush..destroy...

The Real Enigmatic Misanthrope said...

Its become quite obvious that there a few TdF fans posting here. I am not including the imposter EM that has posted the crap above. However, Eddy’s Spandex-bulge facination, interest in my bowel habits and his chimp-minded baiting has prompted me to post a response. TdF aside, I would like to say this post is inspired by and directed primarily at the cyclists I encounter daily on my comute to and from work.
It is, of course, only my opinion, that these obnoxious boor Lycra bum cyclists and their mung bean eating commie fans and supporters are conceited, odius cretins; it is obvious from their deliberately dangerous road habits and their attention seeking exhibitionist’s dress. They rather look silly, hideous and nasty. They might feel ‘cool’ and the centre of the universe wearing their (and this is for you Eddy) genitalia/anus exposing spandex, to me they look disgusting; it’s an obscene display which has to be endured everyday. While I appreciate the body beautiful, the lycra bums are simply nauseating exhibitionists.
They should do the decent thing and confine themselves to their backyards, where they can ride dangerously, crash into each other, maim and kill each other, and admire their vomit inducing hideous appearance. They should never been seen nor heard in public.

oh yeah....E. Merckxstrong "lick my hole you brain-dead dog fart"

BlogDog said...

It's Tour Fever. IT'S TOUR FEVER I TELLS YA!!!

Gradual Dazzle said...

BlogDog, has EM had all his meds? Is he current on shots and stuff? 'Cuz I'm a little concerned maybe he got into a bad batch of Mad Dog or something.

Enigmatic Misanthrope said...

Ms. Grazzle:.
I can not afford MD 20/20..I am a Sterno drinker from way back. As far as pills, I’ll eat any pill put in front of me..except the brown ones… EM don't like the brown ones.
Hey, here are My Favorite TV Shows
Lie to Me
Lock Up Raw
Deadliest Catch
Gangland (History Channel)
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
The Wire
The Simpsons, The Tudors and Weeds.
And of course..Intervention

My favorite Intervention was the hideously ugly chick who huffed computer cleaner (loaded with toulene and all kinds of shit). She looked idiotic sucking on these cans of chemicals and then got all bug eyed and paranoid.

The season 1 episode with the degenerate gambler was good as well as was the crackhead ex-cyclist from last season (Chad?). He was actually proud to be a homeless crackhead.

There is a shadow government run by Elliot in the Morning.
All real decisions are made by him.
Do not resist Gradual Dazzel, join us.

BlogDog said...

Mz. Grazzle,
I have consulted with a slew (that's more than a passel, less than a horde) of psychologists, neurologists, neurasthenics, parasitologists, sawboneses, interns, enterologists, general practioners, pensioners, pensives, contra-pensives, contrabassoonists, old boys, oboists, chiropodists, cheerleaders, naturists, naturalists, natty bumpos, Natty Bo bumpers, oculists, occultists and other professionals too obscure to mention but all, all potential Nobel Prize winners and I can avow with depth and precision that the the unique structure and function of the EM's limbic system makes his use of "meds" (as you say) pointless as his brain is actually capable of manufacturing any chemical or chemical combination that he requires.
In fact he was considering a career as a formulary and factory until he realized that he didn't really care to deal with other humans. And who can blame him? Look at how he was savaged (And I don't mean Michael) by those commenters above.

Gradual Dazzle said...


The two of you are a rather frightening combination, really.