In The News
Perhaps "all over the news" might be a more apt title. I refer, of course, to celebutard Lindsay Lohan who was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession. I won't get into the whole sordid situation other than to note that post-rehab she was wearing an "alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet." Yeah, I have a response: What?!
How do they figure she drinks? One foot in a keg, the other in a Jimmy Chu? Honestly, what possible effect could an alcohol-monitoring anklet have? It would be about as effective as a penis-monitoring necklace on Paris Hilton. No. Sorry. My mistake. That probably would be pretty effective.